Macchars don’t wear sweaters

Aliens & Ties

Posted on: February 19, 2007

I’ve always disliked ties. No not human ties – but those insufferable lengths of cloth hanging so awkwardly from the neck. So biased am I against that ignoble article that I form an instinctive dislike for the person who is sporting it. Am I biased and unreasonable in my stance? Or am I justified? Whenever caught in such a position of doubt, I always resort to the good ol alien test. Whenever caught at crossroads, faced by a seemingly insoluble quandary, the alien test has always rescued me and shown me the light.

What is the alien test?? Whenever two people cant decide on an issue, both believing they hold the right opinion, what do they do?? Go to a third uninvolved person and seek his unbiased opinion right? Isnt that the logic behind having referees, umpires, linesmen and judges?? Pete Sampras is always going to say the ball was in…surrrrre…..dude Andre Aggasi is not going to take your word for it, cause he can swear the ball fell out – he can even show you the spot where it fell. Hence umpires. But wait! Are these so called middle men, men who pass judgments on our fortunes, really as unprejudiced as they’re made out to be?? Aren’t they also somewhere Indian, American, Christian, Buddhist, Left Wingers, Republicans, LA Laker fans??? What’s more, they were also brought up differently, and what thier dad said is mostly beyond the realm of reasoning for them. Heck im not saying they all accept bribes to throw matches! But still, prejudices do creep in – consciously or subconsciously.

Being so disillusioned by fallible humans and their colored thinking who else do we turn to – but the little green men (preferably with grade 4 of intelligence)?? Of course they’re going to be prejudiced in their own way. They might support the ork party for galactic elections vs gooboos, they might prefer green slime to yellow slime, they might think procreating through the ventricular organs scores over sobibuqual mucus exchange. But when it comes to earth and earthy matters – they would view everything with complete innocence and objectivity.

Well since we cant call zarpsyk-567 over to help us out with situations, we can at least try to imagine how he would react to these situations. Thus I have been helped with numerous dilemmas like the western toilet vs the Indian toilet, water vs tissue paper to scrub your hiney, who has the accent etc.

To be continued……

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